Chapter Four: The Secret Origin of the Viral Golem(GORONYA) Plush? A Drab Rock's Revenge

The Monolithic Rock and the Great Obsidian Shades

Author: Ori-ko


『O-oi... Look at that, Iwa-o. Every single one of them is staring at us...』

It was the very heart of America: New York City.

Right in the dead center of the Maharaja of the world-no, Times Square's magnificent forest of skyscrapers-we were strutting. Firmly affixed to our face was a pair of spectacularly oversized sunglasses, custom-forged by the eccentric Mad Scientist herself, Dr. Fuuka.

There was a time, seemingly a universe away, when we were treated as nothing more than roadside pebbles, utterly ignored by passersby, leaving us to sulk in the dismal shadows. Now, that era felt like a mere trick of the light.

『Hey, look! That's the 'Flexible Rock'!!!』

『Oh my god! So cool! So cute!!!』

Just by having the sunglass-clad Golem (our dominant, surface-level personality) trundle its heavy weight across the pedestrian crossing, the New Yorkers whipped themselves into an absolute frenzy, pointing their flashing cameras with wild excitement.

(W-what in the name of Merlin is this magnificent uproar, Iwa-o?! This level of unprecedented popularity... It hasn't been seen since our Shiny forms were first unleashed upon 'Pokémon GO'... No, it's even greater than that!)

(...Gah! Surely this fleeting adoration is but a temporary glitch in the system of life, Iwa-o...)

Deep within the plush, velvet-like fabric, Geodude muttered to himself, thoroughly jostled in the darkness as if trapped in a terribly overcrowded compartment on the Hogwarts Express.

Yet, despite being three rocky brothers entirely unaccustomed to even a single ounce of the spotlight, the sheer, bubbling joy overflowing from our emotional infrastructure was becoming quite impossible to conceal.

he Hardboiled Boulders and the Great Glitch of Affection

『Eeeeeek!!! Golem is so round and incredibly cute!!! He's so soft to pet!!!』

A flock of local blonde teenagers and wide-eyed, innocent children swarmed the perimeter of our remarkably squishy chassis. Tiny hands rubbed, patted, and gently stroked our rocky (yet decidedly plush) exterior with utmost reverence.

Had this been the us of yesterday, we would have bristled with sharp, jagged indignation. 『Bah! We are of the proud, hardboiled Rock-type! We would never stoop to fawning for human affection like those frivolous Pikachus and Eevees!』 we would have spat.

However, the devastating destructive power of receiving 『genuine, unadulterated pampering』 for the very first time shattered our defensive outer shells into absolute dust.

『...H-hmph! I-it's not as if I am pleased to be patted, Iwa-o! You foolish humans merely possess a keen eye for assessing the magnificent hardness of my rocky form, so I am merely permitting you to conduct a quality assurance check, Iwa-o-!!!』

Overjoyed and overwhelmingly embarrassed, Golem's linguistic processor experienced a catastrophic, system-wide glitch.

Driven by the sheer thermal energy of their bashfulness, the entirety of the plushie's face flushed a brilliant, searing crimson-not unlike a Shiny variant's peculiar orange hue. Trapped in the dark interior, Geodude and Graveler writhed in absolute, uncool agony, squealing, 『Hyaaa, it's absolute paradise, Iwa-o!!!』

It was the precise moment the unyielding, stubborn boulders completely melted into figurative puddles before their adoring fans.

Ascension to the Pinnacle of the Pokémon Box

Having concluded our wildly triumphant expedition to New York, we returned at last to the familiar, comforting walls of the Great Fortress Laboratory.

Now, having recorded a world-class, blockbuster success, one might naturally wonder: how would we be treated from here on out?

To put it in systemic terms, our standing within the Pokémon Box had unequivocally skyrocketed.

Once relegated to the deepest, darkest sub-basement of the Box-left to gather digital dust as forgotten archive logs-we were now perched gloriously in the topmost row the exact moment the Box was opened, proudly sporting a glittering, highly coveted 『VIP』 emblem.

『Hmph, it's still as cramped and painful in here as a packed rush-hour train, Iwa-o...』 Geodude grumbled, a remarkably poor attempt to hide his embarrassment.

『But still, it's really not so bad, Iwa-o,』 Graveler replied, giving a hearty high-five with all four of his hands in the dark.

And so, the tale of the world's hardest, clumsiest, and yet most immensely lovable 『three-evolutions-in-one-body』 plushie reached its grand, happy ending, bound eternally by the love of their Creator.

-Ordinarily, one would expect our illustrious creator, Dr. Fuuka, to be basking in the lingering glow of this historic triumph as well... however.

The Genius of Oblivion and the Next Mad Infrastructure

『...Heheheh! If I simply reconfigure the infrastructure of this Ancient Energy right here... it just might work!!!』

Deep within the subterranean bowels of the Great Fortress.

In a laboratory thick with the scent of motor oil and crackling magical sparks, Dr. Fuuka sat glaring at a suspiciously glowing monitor, a look of absolute, unhinged madness plastered across her face.

The television in the corner blared news of the Worldwide Sensation of the Rock Plushies!, yet not a single millimeter of the broadcast registered in her peripheral vision.

『Oi, Dr. Fuuka! Haven't you seen the news of our spectacular, world-class promotion, Iwa-o?!』

When Golem called out boastfully from his VIP Box, she merely pushed up her welding goggles and tilted her head in genuine bewilderment.

『The Flexible 3-in-1? Ah... yes, I suppose I did deploy such a plushie. But I haven't the spare cerebral cache to waste on past glories!』

Smack! The Doctor slammed a brand-new roll of parchment-er, blueprints-onto her desk.

Depicted upon it was a concept diagram for an entirely new, terrifyingly mad infrastructure, resembling some sort of 『Unknown Ancient Organism』 emitting a sinister glow.

『This is the next phase...! When this research is complete, the very laws of the world shall be turned upside down! Ahahahahaha!!!』

With a booming, maniacal laugh, Dr. Fuuka immediately returned to scattering welding sparks across the room.

Looking down at her hunched back, the three rocky brothers exchanged a collective look of sheer exasperation.

『...That madwoman. She's already forgotten the massive hit she created with us, and now she's trying to build something even more dangerous, Iwa-o...』

『Well, fine by us, Iwa-o. We'll just sit right here, eat some popcorn, and enjoy the show in luxury, Iwa-o.』

Thus, the chaotic, cramped-train-compartment journey of the rocks came to a settled close.

Yet, the cogs of the genius Mad Scientist Dr. Fuuka's 『Next Dangerously Brilliant Invention』 had already begun to turn, quietly, and with a familiar, sticky persistence.

(The End of the Main Story: The Flexible 3-in-1 Plushie - The Overcrowded Rock Comedy)